I know this post will resonate with allot people out there and I was one of those people who was deathly ashamed of wanting to be a working creative or god forbid a……..writer. I wanted it to be my real profession, making a real living but I was so ashamed of it. I couldn’t even admit it to myself.
I didn’t know why but Ideas were coming through me and I knew I had to give them life. It might be one person or it might be to 20 people on your fist blog or thousands on Facebook. But part of giving a story life is showing your work and it terrified me.
When I knew I had to to put myself and work out there, I felt shame of the person I was becoming. I felt like a hopeless wanderer. A dreamer. A shit talker (as we say in Australia).
I didn’t choose to be creative, it chose me. I wanted so badly to make the 9-5 life work out. Who wants to struggle? It’s far easier to be in denial, a walking zombie with no desires, dreams or challenges.
The shame at times has been unbearable. Maybe I’m not worthy. Maybe I’m good enough. I was listening to Brene Brown talk about vulnerability, shame and guilt. Shame is internal, the self. Guilt is to do with behaviour. After much time and reflection I have learned a few things and so here they are:
Here are some ways to get yourself out of the Shame for wanting to be a writer:
- You gain confidence through action. The more you write the better you get. Eventually someone on twitter or your blog is going to love your work. I promise you. You will be so surprised be how people will reach out to you.
- Defend yourself. You want to be creative. Do it. You want to be a writer. Say it and believe it. For once just defend yourself.
- Believe in your intuition. Something is telling you to write that story. Something is telling you to pick that paint brush up. Trust your instincts, they are taking you somewhere for a reason.
- Stop right now and say these words: ‘I am enough.’
- Separate yourself from your work. Don’t take judgement of your work personally.
- Create a body of work. Again practise makes perfect and why be known for one book when you can be known for many.
- Stop living in the past and the future. Be in the present moment. Don’t time travel to when Aunt Betsy said writers make no money or someone said you’re never going to make it. All that matters is this moment.
- Get support. Find people who can support you: A Writing mentor, creative mentor, virtual mentor, psychologist. If symptoms persist see someone.
- Accept it’s normal. It’s beautiful. Imperfection is a gift.
Shame takes time to get over and sometimes it’s appears out of nowhere and knocks you off your equilibrium. The most important thing is to be compassionate with ourselves. Our insides are in constant elimination mode. We are suppose to be clean and free inside. We are not suppose to hanging on to the past, in pain and suffering from crippling embarrassment of who we want to be. We spend our whole lives thinking there’s something wrong with us but it’s only in old age we realise there was nothing wrong with us after all.